Getting off to a bad start already

Only I could have an unlucky as start to the New Year. My day was going very well until I received some disturbing news about something. I have hope and faith in the idea that things will change. This can't happen to me now I have come to far in this quest for happiness. I can not come back home to the pain that I left here with years ago. I want everlasting happiness not temporary.

Missing the honey

Not like I don't all the time but I
am seriously missing Mostafa. Wow to
think I have not actually seen him in
the flesh in going on five months is
hard to stand.
Guess this will make things better when
we finally see each other again-whenever
in the world that will be but I guess as they
say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".
We have missed so much important time together.
I wasn't there for him when his mum passed. We
didn't spend any holidays together. Saturday is
his birthday and yes I will miss our first year
together on the 25th of January. I am really wanting to
be back in the UK and settled with him by Valentine's Day.
Inshallah

Having a Calgon moment

Okay it's been almost two weeks now since I posted my application. Hoping to hear something very soon even though I know it takes about 5-6 weeks to process. I need to get out of here as soon as possible. Something to save my sanity. I'm starting to feel more damned and doomed than ever. Having a serious Calgon moment right about now.

Another meaningless day

So it's that time of year again--Christmas Eve! Thank goodness the day is almost here and even better when it is over! Not exactly my holiday to celebrate anymore.
Sure the season smells good and beautifully decorated but enough already!

Getting fit

I am gradually trying to get back into a routine fitness workout on a daily basis. I really need to shed about 20 lbs and tighten up. I think my abs are at the flabbiest they have every been and I hate a waist with a passion!
It's not the easiest thing to do with the holidays just a few days away. By this time next month I need a damn near perfect ass, great thighs, a nice rack and nice arms. I truly need to stick to this plan and follow a healthy diet in the new year and especially if I want to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. Inshallah I can do it!

Back 2 the House

Back from my two week holiday in North and South Texas. The first part was out in Plano at the lil' bro's house. Had a great time hangin' out w/ the SIL and my little pooh bear nephew (love ya lots). Did some shopping and eating out in a few cool places.
Too bad the Buffalo Ex***** stint was not such a success. Think I will have to start back at zero-Ebay! Better luck next time. :-(
Found a few cool tops in the shops.
After a few days there I headed down to what I thought would be an exciting week in San Antonio. It was just okay. Too far out and the company was not much company. Did a lot of shopping and taking care of lastminute headache errands. Still trying to decide should I go with San Antonio (UTSA) or Dallas (UT Richardson). Only time will tell.
After that 12 hour train ride I am feeling so knackered.

The past few days and the week ahead

Have enjoyed the past few days visiting with family here in the Plano area. Thank goodness it feels great to be away from the country after all these months. Got the chance to do some shopping too. Well just a tad bit. Got in my goodies from Bath and Body Works, a few awesome pieces on the cheap from Macy's Juniors and some very cute lacy tops from bebe.
Too bad the Buffalo Exchange do was not such a success. Shit--only $8 and some change for my stuff. Back to Ebay. Don't think I will be trying that place again.

Grant has cried and laughed alot. Bless. He's getting to be such a really big boy. I hope his surgery is a success on Friday.

Off down South to San Antonio in the morning. This will be a very busy and exciting week to come. Hopefully with fingers crossed my ordeal will come true.

Peace xxx

Holiday in a fortnight!

I am sooooo more than ready to move on outta here. The past three months have been something else. Not as bad as I expected but how much boredom in one place can one take.
Thank goodness I got my tickets booked for Dallas and San Antonio nextweek. That gives me almost two weeks away. Not that I will be able to do much but at least I can go some place where the scenary is much different.

Wish I were there

My HB is back from Iraq after his mum died. It's still very hard for him I can tell. I really wish I were there for him now. I am sure it's alot to deal with so far from home. Want to be there by the middle of January; just in time for our 1st anniversary. :-)

Halloween and bored as hell.

Nothing has changed. Another boring week has ended. No such luck in the job search. Finally heard from Mostafa. I hope everything is alright---poor baby.
It's Halloween Eve and I wanna go somewhere. Sick of lookin at these folks in their fancy dress. Hmm nextyear whom shall I go as? Sext bellydancer (if Mostafa will let me get away with it), Pocohantas or Samburu Princess.

Loss

I miss Mostafa. His mother passed away a week ago.
I hope that everything is fine with him and that he and
his family are coping with their loss. He was very close to
her and know how much he really wanted to be with her in her
final days. My thoughts are sincerely with him.
We have both lost loved ones in recent weeks. My great aunt Ella
passed away a month ago. We will miss her so much.

Just another day.

Just another day. That's all it's been since I have left the UK.
Not much happening in these parts. Boring boring boring.
Still looking for a job and hoping to get something really soon so
I can get outta here and do my own thing.
Things are taking forever as always it seems.
Calgon take me away!

I will, I will, I will--already!

I've just decided I am going to set some goals to try to stick to week by week. Now I have never been one to stick to things very long and I really need a shitload of change in my life. So I will start off slow and do some things. 1. I will not dwell on SM so much. 2. I will follow my eating habit cut backs. 3. I will stop procrastinating on my FSO studies--stick to it!

Think I will re-organize the closet--again!

Tonight I am bored out of my bleepin' mind. How many times can one re-organize their closet in a months time? I really need to have a good clearout on some more stuff.

Two weeks on

It's been almost two weeks now since I have returned home. I am just thinking a fortnight ago I was hanging out and having an awesome time in London and now I am here again in this boring place. My goodness how time truly flies when you are having fun. Of course I am still trying to figure out what the hell to do with this time here. Think I've got about 155+ days to go.
Think I will utilise my time more wisely since I will not be travelling as much. I have the FSO exam to study for, Arabic lessons and let's see what else. Something's got to give...........

Not very good

One more week to go in Merry Old England. Please dear Lord let me come back very soon.
Sh'hab baby I am going to miss you. xxxxxxxxxxxx

FCUK Electric Blue

Once again another fabulous Herve Leger inspired bandage dress. My baby bought this one for me at House of Fraser. It's by French Connection and Frankie from the Saturday's was spotted in it. I'm lovin it!
http://www.shoppingthetrend.com/celebrity/UK-Style/UK-Celebs/Mahiki-Nightcub-Buy-Frankie-Sandford-electric-blue-bodycon-dress-online-her-21st-birthday.html

Final day of the WC2010

This final match of the 2010 World Cup is quite exciting but Holland really needs to score. It's past the 90 mins and still not a single goal on either side. Holland of course was not my original hope for the cup but I will go with the Netherlands over Spain any day. I really wanted Brazil to win again.
The past month has been really exciting with the matches. I knew England and the USA would not bring home the cup but it was good to see them get as far as they have.

Where the day takes you

Another weekend in London. Yesterday was another fab flamenco show in Islington and I skipped the bellydance show lastnight. The set up was too unorganised :-(.
Today was a good morning. Went down to Wembley Mkt and snagged a great LV lime green Verniers knock off and wallet. My day is cheered a bit.
This was supposed to be my fucking holiday to Morocco. Fucking ruined. It's American Independence Day so why am i feeling kept?

The Day at Wimbledon

That was such an exciting day. No we did not see any of the top shots like the Wms sisters, Federer, the Andy's or Nadal but it was a great time to be experienced. It's such a clean and fun place to be. Thank goodness we were able to get in that day.
Not sure who we were watching but the girls and guys seemed pretty good.

Coming back

Just returned from a four day trip to Yorkshire. It was very nice. York is a really beautiful town. Very nice, clean, picturesque and of course quintessentially English. So much history behind this city.
Then there was the other part of my trip--to Leeds. Finally met up with Bekas. Very cute and funny. Hopefully something good will come of this and he won't be like the last two duds.

Off to Spain................

Finally getting around to taking a holiday to Spain. We are going to Madrid and Toledo for the week. Not quite sure what to expect of this country as I have heard some very interesting things about it.
Looks like there is a lot to see and do. This holiday I am hoping will be calm and fun one with lots of sightseeing within Plaza Mayor, Palacio Real, Plaza de Espana and a few other interesting places. Would be great to do more off the beaten path areas.
On Wednesday we are going Toledo for a bit to soak in more Spanish culture and see the famous Iglesia de Santo Tome with it's magnificent El Greco classic.
I am also wanting to do some shopping. Pick up some castanets, Spanish themed posters, a bottle of wine and an ivory wedding mantilla (Inshallah).

Two more months

Today feels like the first day of the last two months of my life. I can not believe I only have two months left before returning to Texas for good. OMG WTF am I going to do?
These four years have certainly gone by way too fast but they have been a joy. Now I need to decide what I will be doing over the next few weeks. A few holidays to come with Spain nextweek, a few days in North England in a few weeks, Morocco next month and thinking of a few days in Belgium. Should I risk another trip to Turkey again? Nah!!!

In the mean time I will be very busy with all this shit. Packing, clearing out stuff, selling stuff via Ebay and car boot sales. OMG what's a girl to do? Watch this space.

Ready 4 D Weekend

Long week and now I am ready for another much needed breakaway to London. It's the British Bank Holiday and Memorial Day Weekends so I am going away for a bit. The bellydance show I'd planned to see on Sunday is now cancelled but I will make it up with some kind of fun. Hmmm, think I might go to the Wembley Market Sunday is it's open. No matter I plan to enjoy and relax. Ahhhh.....

Unbelieveable

My world has been crushed.

As time goes by....

Today was another day. Cinco de Mayo!
Went out had my workout, saw Gary before he leaves for Montego Bay and now I am in for teh evening. Off to dinner--Spanish but damn I totally forgot about Cinco de Mayo until about an hour ago.

Dance España

Saturday afternoon I attended another very exciting flamenco show in the West End. This time it was the Ballet Nacional de España. Loved the show. It was different from the other flamenco shows I have seen as this one has more ballet included in it. Very fiery and fun. The show was spectacular. The dancers were all great and the costumes were awe aspiring. This time it was again at one of my least favourite venues for a show, the English National Opera House. The seats are hardly ever comfy and too many views are often blocked but this time it was not too bad. Think I will stick with this seating arraignment from now on.
The ladies red, black and white ruffle dresses were great. I love this form of dance. Again very fiery and passionate.

Another week has ended

This week has gone by in a jiffy as well. Let's see what did I do. Continued with my fitness plan, went charity shopping in Chichester yesterday and wondered WTF is up with my life...lol.

The London Marathon 2010 and Just Cause

Just arrived home. Another great weekend out in London. Yesterday was the big marathon and I particpated along with other Oxfam volunteers. It was a really interesting thing to be apart of. Thank goodness the rain did not hang around for too long. Some sprinkles here and there and a clear up.
Later in the evening I attended a special belly dance charity show to benefit women with breast cancer in Egypt. A pretty good show. Wasn't in awe over all the dancers but it was a good cause.

Needing to get fit

I have really got to start taking my weight loss programme more serious. I am way overweight and if I am wanting to be married within the next year and having a baby I need to get a move on. I am in my second week at the fitness centre. My goal is to loose 40 lbs. Hopefully I can go it before August. Please help me, help me, help me......
I could certainly do with being an 8 again. I will do it if it kills me.

Another belly dance show

I went to another bellydance show over the past weekend in Euston. This one was pretty much hit or miss. The dancers were just mediocre and not as exciting as the last one by this particular company but it was great to get out for a change. At least I enjoyed the performances of two of the girls.

Looking 2 Better Days

The past few days have been some really trying ones but I am going to hang in there and not allow this headache to get in my way. Thank goodness I can get into the fitness centre and have a great workout to get my body, health and mind in shape. I am really looking forward to seeing what 40 lbs lighter will actually look like. I will be fit and hot by August. Well not gonna get in there tomorrow I have a planned meditation session for a few hours. Ahhhh..........

Azura

Who we really are and who we say we are.

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." - Dr. Maya Angelou

No words are more true. I've had enough red flags.

Today was a boring day

Okay I am just a little too bored today. Stayed in all day. It rained and all I could do was nothing. I miss Ben and want to see him or at least talk to him. Men can be such shit sometimes but I still love him.
Tomorrow going to Southampton for a day out or just to get outta the house. It can be really boring here out in the country. Could go for a walk but the weather is just too icky. LOL I think I need another holiday. Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!

Parisian and Turkish holidays

Just returned from my holidays in Paris and Istanbul a few days ago. Had a wonderful time in both places. The only spoiler with Paris is that it can be a oui bit expensive. It is one of my favourite cities to visit even so. You could just spend hours walking and seeing the beautiful sites, fashionable shops and trendsetters.
Best of all was I got to collect my Parisian fashion sketches, see Versailles Palace and Opera Garnier. Amazingly enough the Metro was not too difficult to use.
Now I am back and ready to go again!

a little shopping ;-)

Today was a fun day of shopping down at Gunwharf Quays Outlet in Portsmouth. I love to hit this place up from time to time. Always a good deal to be found. Today I got lucky with a Karen Millen find. A beautiful black one shoulder waterfall sleeve party top. Very cute and very Sheree. There were just too many exciting and beautiful things I wanted in this store but of course even though it's an outlet the prices are still a little too high street. I feel so in love with this sexy red dress. It also comes in cobalt and black. Maybe I can get it later.
I even came across a sweet and lovely blue bubble sleeve top at Austin Reed. They have quite a selection of nice business wear as well. Hopefully they will have that black coat I want but with some more off. Next had a few good things on offer too but sometimes I am not always that thrilled with what they have. Damn'it Burberry's was just too expensive still. Guess I got my bargains from them the last time.
Today I also tried LasIguanas, a Brasilian restaurant for the first time. After wanting to try this place for sometime I can't say I was very impressed. Hmmmmm......

Party time in Willesden

Last weekend was really fun. I was glad to be able to get out of Winchester for a bit and back to London. Gary and Marcia's party for their mum was great. Great West Indian fun; great music, food, family and laughter.
Gary's mum always makes the best Jamaican dishes. The rum cake went too fast. Glad I got just a little of it.

Soap Star

Okay yes my life is now officially declared a soap opera. Could I have more drama of an interesting kind going on in my life? After having spent the last 24 hrs wondering WTF is up with Ben my ex, Daniel has now re-entered the picture. Does he deserve this role or should he exit the stage immediately? Not sure what's going on with this guy. Don't mind helping but he must understand that I have a new life with someone else or do I? To be continued.........